..:: life's a B e A c H ! step lightly into the realm of the unknown. ::..
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Quezon - my paradise...ehem...thanks glenny for this pic.
Wednesday, August 25, 2004
and life goes on...
for quite a while, i led myself to believe that it hurts too much for me to write my thoughts...that's why i haven't blogged the past 2 months. recent discoveries and masochist efforts left me wretched and racked with pains that almost made me forget how writing used to be therapeutic for me...
i guess what made me go on was the thought that other people still kept their faith in me eventhough i've almost given up on myself. and i'll never understand how they can still tell me am strong and doing well eventhough each day i felt like am crumbling more and more inside.
it's true that there can never be words anyone can say to me that will make the pain go away. i only have to endure one day at a time and believe that all of these shall pass. in time.
tomorrow, it'll be 6 months since my world has been shattered...i've been told a lot of times that counting the days and months wouldn't help me at all. it's been my greatest frustration that it's taking me so long to move on...and (more importantly) to let go. and in some ways, i think the reason why am still holding on is because i fear that if i let go...if i allow the pain to be washed away as the days go by, the love i have for the first guy i ever gave my heart to, would fade with it.
the good cry i had with marlette by the pool in laguna at 5AM last saturday was a welcome reprieve. i finally came to the realization that i do not have to endure such pain anymore...that i never have to keep myself from being happy because i know in my heart i'll always, always love him. though he has hurt me like no one else, he would always have that special place in my heart (sounds cliche-ish, i know). he'll be that person on a pedestal whom i'll always refer to as the guy who loved me well (and my one non-regret is that i never hesitated telling him and thanking him for that before we broke up).
sooo...am posting this beautiful poem which sis mec sent to me on my mail. you don't know how much it meant to me that you so still believe i can endure despite everything you've read in my blog. :)
AFTER A WHILE
and then the continuation poem i got from PEx. :)
AFTER 'AFTER A WHILE'
i guess what made me go on was the thought that other people still kept their faith in me eventhough i've almost given up on myself. and i'll never understand how they can still tell me am strong and doing well eventhough each day i felt like am crumbling more and more inside.
it's true that there can never be words anyone can say to me that will make the pain go away. i only have to endure one day at a time and believe that all of these shall pass. in time.
tomorrow, it'll be 6 months since my world has been shattered...i've been told a lot of times that counting the days and months wouldn't help me at all. it's been my greatest frustration that it's taking me so long to move on...and (more importantly) to let go. and in some ways, i think the reason why am still holding on is because i fear that if i let go...if i allow the pain to be washed away as the days go by, the love i have for the first guy i ever gave my heart to, would fade with it.
the good cry i had with marlette by the pool in laguna at 5AM last saturday was a welcome reprieve. i finally came to the realization that i do not have to endure such pain anymore...that i never have to keep myself from being happy because i know in my heart i'll always, always love him. though he has hurt me like no one else, he would always have that special place in my heart (sounds cliche-ish, i know). he'll be that person on a pedestal whom i'll always refer to as the guy who loved me well (and my one non-regret is that i never hesitated telling him and thanking him for that before we broke up).
sooo...am posting this beautiful poem which sis mec sent to me on my mail. you don't know how much it meant to me that you so still believe i can endure despite everything you've read in my blog. :)
AFTER A WHILE
Veronica A. Shoffstall
After a while you learn the subtle difference between holding a hand and chaining a soul.
And you learn that love doesn't mean leaning and company doesn't mean security.
And you begin to learn that kisses aren't contracts and presents aren't promises,
And you begin to accept your defeats with your head up and your eyes open,
With the grace of an adult not the grief of a child.
And you learn to build all your roads on today
Because tomorrow's ground is too uncertain for paths.
After a while you learn that even sunshine burns if you get too much.
So plant your garden and decorate your own soul,
Instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers.
And you learn that you really can endure...
That you really are strong,
And you really do have worth...
and then the continuation poem i got from PEx. :)
AFTER 'AFTER A WHILE'
After 'after a while', you want to hold a hand not to chain a soul but to enjoy its company,
And you want someone's lips to kiss,not because you are lonely but because you are happy,
And you want to give presents and you want to make promises.
After 'after a while', you begin to accept your defeats like an adult,
But like a child, will want someone to listen and care,
And you want someone who will build roads with you today
So maybe you can pave the way for your future together.
After 'after a while', you want someone's sunshine and warmth,
But also accept the rain and the cold,
And you want to give flowers picked from your own garden.
And when your garden is picture perfect,
You want it to be more than a picture even if it means having to be imperfect
Because you want someone in it to stay and to live.
Then you'll see that there is such a thing as love...
And that you were made to live in someone else's garden...
And you'll know that there is more to life than yourself...
